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October 11th, 2006

01:04 pm - hey now Only 7 more hours of work until my vacation. In a way, I can't wait to go and in another way, I don't want to go. I don't want to go because I am not ready to leave yet. I do want to go because I really need to go out and have some fun with my friends. It really sucks when I have no one to go out with and have a little bit of fun with. I also need to stop letting myself get so wrapped up in my work that I don't allow myself to have fun and make friends. It just feels so awkward to try and make new friends all over again. Like the first day of school, you never know who might be fun to be around or even who to approach. When did people start acting so buisness like? I've noticed some little kids at work that come in with their parents and go straight to other children that they've never met and start a conversation and start having fun and playing around. I wonder when everyone else lost that. I just hope I have fun and try to froget about work. I wonder how many calls I will get to find something or to find out where something goes. Should be interesting. Current Mood: nervous

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September 24th, 2006

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September 22nd, 2006

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September 19th, 2006

12:54 pm - YAY FOR SAMHAIN I seriously keep forgetting about this thing. I got invited to a Halloween costume party and I am very excited. I got red, orange, and yellow fire faerie wings yesterday so I am using a base black outfit and then I'm gonna get lots of sheer fabric in the yellow, orange, and red colors. I gonna tie them to a red belt and put that over the skirt part of the outfit and let them billow out. Then add some wiccan symbols to the outfit, some bells, and shiny stuff that makes noise when I move. For the make-up, I'm gonna do yellow closer to my eyes, then orange going out extending the eyelids, then red towards the edge of my hairline from my eyes out, maybe do some black wings on my face too, kind of like a mask. Then add glitter on my face in those same colors, and some red stick ons too to accentuate everything. My hair is gonna be wrapped sideways, then the ends out with faeries clips holding them up, then red and gold hair coloring spray. I was thinking about getting one of those red or orange sequin tops that resemble butterlfies and wear that over the black shirt I'm gonna wear, but I need to find one. Then red and black stockings and black heels. Maybe I'll get some black arm guards and get fabric paint and paint flames on them. I can't wait for Samhain. Current Mood: artistic

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March 30th, 2006

02:03 pm - bored So so bored right now with nothing to do, but play crappy internet games and listen to bad radio music. I have my drive test next Friday. I can't wait, but I kind of don't like driving. Demian tsays that that will change after awhile, I just have to be more comfortable driving. I get too nervous is all. Im gonna post some pics of random stuff since I haven't been on here since I dont know when. I love my littel car so much, I put a "Dark Mark" sticker on the back and put a stitch antenna topper on it too, so it's all Liz'ed out. I am so tired, my insomnia kicked in again last nite and i didnt fall asleep until 5am or so and got up at 9 to go to work to find out that they now need me to close instead of open. So work until 10pm and then hopefully sleep and then off to work again tommorrow and saturday and sunday. Current Location: home Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: crap radio

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March 15th, 2006

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October 19th, 2005

02:43 pm - My very first acrylic canvas painting! Let me know what anyone thinks please.  It has been forever since I have been on here.  Let's see, all I have done is work, work, and more work.  But at least I am making money and making friends.

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September 29th, 2005

10:38 am This is the first time in awhile that I have been on since AOL seems to not want to work all that great lately. I have been working and just hanging out at home. Demian took off a couple of days from work for his birthday, so we had a couple of days to hang around the house and sleep in. We watched a lot of crappy movies, and played games. We were supposed to go fishing, but since it hasn't rained much, the rivers are low and there is no point in going. It' supposed to rain for about week starting tonite, so I think he might go on his next day off. I hope that I don't work all that much next week ebcause it would suck to have to walk to work in the rain. I hate doing that. The mall takes me 15 minutes to get to, if I walk fast, but i really don't like walking to work when it rains because then I am soaked during my shift, but what can I do. Not a damn thing. the other day, my neighbor paid me a hundred bucks to clean her apartment. It was pretty filthy, but I needed the money. So, I finally had money to buy Demian a gift. I've been knitting a lot more lately, I have 3 rectangles that I sewed togther and am making a big blanket for the cats. And I've been writing a new story. It's a different concept then I normally so, but I like it so far. Time to go and figure out what else to do to keep me busy. I hope it's not pouring tommorrow when I walk to work. And up here, everyone makes fun of the people with the umbrellas because that's how they know that you are from out of town. Current Mood: content

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August 31st, 2005

01:22 pm We finally made it up to Mt. Hood and it was a crappy and extremely cold day, but we at least got to go to see Timberline Lodge.  It's where they filmed parts of the original "The Shining".  It was pretty cool. The inside was creepy, especailly down the halls where those freaky little twin girls were.

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August 19th, 2005

01:06 pm - HO HUM I have been so lazy lately. I have been spending a lot of my time just secluded from everyone really. Demian is sick so he has been spending his time sleeping, which means that it is just me and the cats. Generally just me though since the cats have been getting along and playing with each other. That means that I really need a life. My neighbors haven't had much time to hang out lately because they haev a lot to deal with too. Too bad that I can't just take Demian's truck and go drive around. I don't think that I even know how to drive it, especially up here. I hate TV and I am even getting a little tired of reading. I think that in the past couple of weeks, I have read about 5 or so books. I am sick of the internet because it seems that it is the same old shit everywhere and I hate just sitting here ranting and not being able to do anything. Everyday is the saem thing......I get up around 8am, do the dishes, clean the litterboxes, take out the trash, clean the house, and by 9am, I have nothing to do. Then I entertain myself until Demian gets home around 3 or 4, he changes, sits down, watches tv, then I make dinner, we eat and that's by 6 or so. Then we put in a crappy movie and by the time that the movie is about halfway through, I look over and Demian is passed out. I try to wake him up, which works for awhile and then I have to argue with him to either stay up or go to bed, he goes to bed by 10pm, after hours of argueing and then it's just me....again....alone.....bored until I usuallly go to bed, which is around 4 am or so. Talk about monotony. My life really blows, doesn't it? Current Mood: restless

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August 3rd, 2005

01:56 pm - Death One of my uncle's died last week. He had a long struggle with cancer and it finally took him the day before my birthday. I never got to meet him, as it is for most of my family on my mom's side. I now have a goal to meet them all before anything else horrible happens. My mom was devastated for so long, but at least she was able to fly up ther for the weekend before he died. She got to see him and say her goodbyes and be there for his family. I don't understand why such a aram, caring, thoughful person would have to suffer for a year with a deadly disease and then end up losing. It doesn't make sense to me. He never did anything to anyone. He left behind young children that needed him. This is the kind of thing that makes you wonder, what kind of fuck up god(s) would do such a thing. Makes you lose complete faith in anything at all. Death scares the crap out of me and I don't understand it at all. http://obit.missionparks.com/obit_display.cgi?id=240212&clientid=missionparks&listing=Found http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=Flores&GSfn=Juan&GSbyrel=all&GSdy=2005&GSdyrel=in&GSst=46&GSob=n&GRid=11443103&pt=Juan%20Estrada%20Flores& Current Mood: sad

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July 31st, 2005

11:43 am - stuff, as always I feel like crap. I have a mixture of so many emotions right now. I want to punch something, I want to cry, I want to be alone, but not. I hate feeling this way. It feels as if I am slipping further and further into depression and if I am, who knows how I will get out of it this time. When my depression kicks in, I go down pretty hard and it sucks. I just want to be left alone, but then I cry because I have no one. All I do is just play on the computer, write, read, and watch the cats. That is my boring, crappy, ridiculous life. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve to feel like this all the time and to never be able to get a break. I know that life in unfair, but to have as much bad luck as I have is just unreal. It's just seems to be one thing after the next, after the next and I am extremely sick of it. I just wish that I could for once have something go good in my life. I ranted at my mom last night and that made me feel better because, and as mush as I love Demian,it seems that he doesn't quite understand how I feel. He does try really hard, but sometimes it just isn't enough. I hate the fact that I get in these moods and then he gets the brunt of it. That's why I usually lock myslef in the room and don't come out until I feel better, but who knows how long that will take. Most of the time, it just lasts a couple of days and then I am fine. Then when I am fine, I look back on my life and go right abck into it again. I know that I am the only one that can do something to change myslef, but I really wish that I had help and that I wasn't so damn lonely. Even when I did have friends around, I still felt all lonely. It feels like there is a piece of me somewhere out there that I need to find to make me feel whole. I wish I had a boost to find it though. I wish a had money to go to college, maybe that would help. The only thing that always seems to help me is to write. I love to write and I don't even know if I am any good at it. The Phillistine You scored 40% Pride, 47% Envy, 65% Ambition, and 47% Deceitfulness! You are the Phillistine, a citizen of a nation that rivaled Israel. You inhabited the land of Canaan (i.e. the promised land) before the Israelites decided to roll through and claim the land for themselves. In many respects, you had much in common with the other settlers in the land of Canaan. You were a humble farmer, attempting to eke out a decent living in a harsh world. You had a great love for the land and the people around you. People in the community could always count on you for comfort or support. However, unlike the other settlers in this area, you were quite ambitious. So ambitious, that you wanted to defy the armies of God and challenge them for their claim to the promised land. You are not one to be deceptive, so you usually challenged the armies of God directly and made no effort to cover up your dislike for them. In the 21st century, you continue this pattern of behavior in your dealings with other people. There's nothing wrong with ambition per se, but when ambition puts you in opposition to God, well then, that makes you a biblical villain. My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 22% on Pride You scored higher than 55% on Envy You scored higher than 62% on Ambition You scored higher than 43% on Deceitfulness Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test written by MetalliScats on Ok Cupid Current Mood: cynical

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July 28th, 2005

01:09 pm - birthday photos

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11:17 am So my birthday weekend started off with my brothers coming in on Thursday and a keg of beer, a costco sized bottle of tequila, a bottle of rum and several cases of beer. All I have to say, is most of it was a blur. I had fun.....I think. There are lots of new pictures on my camera that I don't remember taking. So, all in all, I guess my liver needs to be replaced now. The one major thing that sucked was I got a reply from Disney: A BIG FAT STINKING "THANKS, BUT NO THANKS" CARD. So I am pretty pissed off about that. Current Mood: cranky

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July 24th, 2005

12:05 am My birthday is on Monday!!!!! Yay! Cake and Pot!!! And Beer, which is the best Current Mood: happy

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July 17th, 2005

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July 14th, 2005

12:01 pm I have a job interview tommorrow. It's about fucking time is all I have to say. It is with the Disney Store up here. Hopefully since I have about 2 years experience with Disney, I will get the job. I hope so because I am tired of doing nothing and being completely broke. Current Mood: excited

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July 10th, 2005

12:49 pm I am so bored. I wish that I actually knew people up here, but in order for that to happen, I might want to leave my house. The last time that I left I went to the library, that was 2 days ago. I hope the sacman comes through today. At least then I will feel as if I have left t he house for more than just checking the mail and taking out the trash. On other news, the cats are drving me crazy. They'll somewhat play together for awhile and then one of them will look at the other and they start going at it. Yesterday, I got caught in the crossfire. My hands are all bandaged up now. I think that the cats are plotting to kill me. I'm sure of it. I feel as if I have cabin fever. That episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Kramer switch apartments and Jerry turns into Kramer, that's how I feel. Good thing that today is Demian's friday or I would probably go more mad. Hopefull that means that we will actually leave the house and do something. I need to get away from these cats. Chewie will just look at Trinity and meow and she starts going crazy. He won't do anything, just look at her and she starts hissing and he starts meowing and making some weird look at her. I wonder what the hell goes on in his head that makes him meow at her face. Or, he'll ne asleep and then she will creep up to him and swipe him, then take off running. It reminds me of little kids. It's probably good that I don't have kids, I would lose my temper way too fast with them. Fuckers. All that keeps me entertained recently is reading and I'll do that and then Chewie will want to be pet and then Trinity passes by and hisses and gives me the dirtiest cat look that I have ever seen. I swear, one of these days I will wake up to her on top of me trying to smother me to death for bringing in another cat to her territory. Oh well. Current Mood: blah Current Music: RADIO

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